Have I mentioned lately how much I love working in the temple. Today one of the other ordinance workers was able to seal her parents together and then seal herself to her parents. Then later in the day I was able to participate in the sealing ordinance as a daughter for other families. I love being able to be part of the process that creates eternal families. I come home from the temple with joy in my heart and more centered in the gospel. Every week I go I experience the love our Father has for us. I know that the doctrine we have in the gospel is foreign and restrictive to the world.  I find, for me it is a safe and secure place where I know what is expected and how to progress. I know that the promises made to me will be upheld and will never change.

When I see other church change their doctrine to suit the world I wonder how anyone can have trust in that organization. I know that the covenants I have made are eternal and that my God  is unchanging and His laws will always be His laws and it is my choice to be obedient or not. And I will be held accountable for those choices.

I have peace in my heart that I know my sons are waiting for me to join them and that because of our covenants they are my sons forever and ever.

I am so thankful for my ancestors that found the gospel and followed the prophet. That my parents where married in the temple and I, and my siblings, were born in the covenant. That I was able to do the temple work for my sister and my husband for our son. To always have that scared connection. I am so blessed and grateful.

Today has turned out to be a hard day. My oldest son is making plans to move his family to Missouri in hopes of a better job. He will be the first to move away. I will miss them terribly. Then I was going through my craft closet, attempting to organize it, and ran across memorabilia from Donald and Joseph. I really hate it when that happens. The grief just comes out of nowhere and smacks you. It doesn't help that I have been struggling with their loss more than usual lately. I found a notebook where I wrote how I felt when we lost Donald. Hard to believe it is almost 16 years.

As I have studied the proclamation, learned more about the nature of God and how crucial the family is to His plan, the more I am grateful for the knowledge I have that my sons are with family and Heavenly Father. That I will see them again and that we are an eternal family.

When we talk of trials in lessons and talks there is always the caveat..."When it has passed we understand why and the blessings that have come because of it." I got news for you, there are some trials that do not end. Talk to anyone that has lost a child, the grief is part of you. To have lost two is a life long struggle with loss. It is a part of me and always will be until we are reunited.

I really don't know how parents lose children without knowing the plan of salvation. I would be a total basket case if I haven't felt the love of my Savior and the strength that He gives me on a daily basis.

This is the true gospel. The doctrine is eternal. My Father lives. His Son lives. They know and love me.

What have I learned this week? I think the biggest impact on me was in the Podcast. Since I cannot show this in my blog you will just have to take my word for it.  The 4 square illustration let me see how the way I handled things with my children and my attitude may have had more of an impact on my family than I thought. I feel now that I may have taught my children that the gospel is true but the standards are not that important. I will not go into detail but I do know that I need to show my grandchildren and reaffirm to my children that we need to live by the standards of the church.

This next section of the religion class is going to be hard for me. From what I can tell it is going to be directed at raising children in the gospel. As I mentioned in the previous post two of my kids are not active and are married to non-members. Every day I feel the guilt of not doing a better job of teaching them the gospel, that together my husband and I did not set a better example for them to follow.

So at this point, before beginning the readings, I am hoping for an uplifting message but also prepared for the feeling of failing. I'll let you know which one comes out on top. At least in the Gathering I can be an example of what not to do!

I have been studying the family proclamation for a few weeks now. My first knee jerk reaction at this point is "Okay, I've got it. If we follow God's plan we will have the perfect family and achieve eternal life." But that is not the point. The point is that there are no perfect families. You can read the scriptures every day and have family prayers and hold Family Home Evening every week. You can be striving to live all the commandments to the best of your ability and things will not be what you expect them to be.When you follow the counsel of our prophets and the words of the Lord you will be blessed, you will have a strong root system in the gospel that will help you through the trials but you will not have the perfect family because the perfect family does not exist in this mortal existence. 

Every person in a family has agency. As parents you can teach, set an example, be there when they need you and support them through everything they do as your children grow and learn. However, you cannot govern their choices. You cannot make them do everything right and choose the things you would have them choose. That is the plan Satan proposed. I have a friend who is really struggling because most of her children have rejected the gospel and have pulled away from the family. She is not kind about it and considers the lives they have chosen to be an affront to her. She wanted the "perfect Mormon family", at least one that looked that way. I feel her pain but I have no sympathy for her reaction to her children's choices. 

I don't know why but I have always been a realist. I do not expect my children to be perfect. I do not expect my husband to be perfect and I do not expect my marriage to be smooth, without any bumps along the way. Two of my five children are inactive in the church. Two of my sons are serving missions on the other side of the veil. So I have one son that is active in the church. Does that mean I love my children less? Do I disown them because they no longer believe as they were raised? I love them all just the same as I always have and always will. To me that is the perfect family. One that loves no matter what. That accepts who they are even though they disagree with their lifestyle choice. 

Could I have done better with teaching them correct principles? Yes, very much so. Would that have made a difference? We'll never know.  I suppose the point of this post to share that every family is wonderful and special but, the dreams you had when you started your family may not come to pass and you need to accept and love your family no matter what.